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Ch.3 Basketball Season

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Max looked up at the clock hoping that he had used the whole class period. He still had some time. "Well..." Max began, after a long pause, "here's part three of TJT Gone Forever: due to our team being the best in dodge ball; no one would play against us..."

Max and his friends TJT, Dagger, Bacpac Boy, and Tim were all in P.E, playing volleyball.

TJT missed the ball.

"I hate volleyball!" TJT complained. Max served it to the out of bounds line.

" I agree." Max agreed. Dagger got hit in the face.

"Why can't we play dodge ball!" Dagger whined.

Bacpac Boy jumped into the net. "This game sucks!" Bacpac Boy stated angrily Tim spiked it to the other wall.

"I agree with you one hundred percent" Tim said under his breath. Since it was in January, and most other sports were outside, they decided to drop volleyball, and try basketball.

"You see, before we got a new principal." Max said, "We all created our own basketball team, each team tried out." Max continued his story with "We were the Misfits..."

Max and his friends practiced hard for basketball. Max would pass the ball to TJT, who would fly and shoot for a three. Max used his Jumal's luck ability to allow the shot to enter the basket. When they played against kids at Watermelon High School, Tim was a great blocker, Bacpac Boy was the greatest thief, Dagger threw great passes, and he was the best dribbler. When the other team was dribbling, Bacpac Boy would extend his arm, steal the ball, and pass it to Dagger, who would dribble down he court, then he would pass it to Max, who passed it to TJT, who then would shoot a three, then Max would use Jumal's luck.

"We finally tried out to become Watermelon High School's basketball team." Max said. "The principal was very interested in our team..."

"Those other teams are good!" TJT said.

"DARN RIGHT THEY ARE!" the head football coach screamed. "THEY'VE GOT MORE BALLS THEN Y'ALL WILL EVER HAVE!" Max's face turned bright red.

“Is that a challenge?” Max hissed out, eyes glinting.

"DARN RIGHT IT IS!" The coach bellowed back. “Y’all will lose to me though!” The coached snorted as he puffed out his chest proudly.

"I'll make you eat those words!" Max growled back. TJT stepped between the fighting athletes and turned to Max.

"What the heck are you thinking?" she whispered.

"I'm tired of those-" Max's voice got cut off.

"NEXT!" The intercom sounded. Max's team walked onto the court, going up against the Footballers.

"Max, thanks to you we're screwed!" Dagger hissed.

"Jump ball!" the referee cried. Max got up to the half circle, next to the coach.

"Little kitty wants to play with the big boys now." the coach taunted. Jumal's luck! Max got the jump ball, and TJT got the ball, she flew and scored a three. The game continued on like that. Max's team won, 72 to zip. The coach cried, due to his loss to Max.

Max looked up at the clock, "Well that's all for to-" his voice got cut off by the bell. Max went to his locker, and went inside. The elevator sent him to his secret hiding place. He slung his backpack to the ground and started to type up his story. Suddenly Max’s friend came crashing down.

"MAX!" Tim cried. "MAX!" Max turned, a single tear in his eye.

"MAX! We found out something!" Dagger yelled. "We've got good news!" Bacpac Boy said. Max got up and followed his friends and saw the greatest thing he has seen for a while...

The next day Max got to class, and continued his story, "Indeed, we were the school's new team, and we got to state."

"FOR THE FIRST TIME FOR A WHILE THE WATERMELON HIGH SCHOOL GOT TO STATE!" the radio announcer yammered, "LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS TONIGHT!" Max and his team got to the stadium, and practiced the night before. The next day, they go back into the stadium to the roar of people. It was obvious that the fans were split between the two rival schools.

"The Sunflowers." Max sneered.

"They have to suck." Dagger stated.

Max walked up to the center circle for the jump ball. The anxiety made Max forget about his Jumal's luck ability, and the opposing team got the ball. TJT gave Max a look that said: What are you doing! The Sunflowers scored a quick lay up, and they turned to press Max's offense. Max passed the ball to Dagger who dribbled passed the defense with grace. Dagger then passed the ball to TJT, who shot a three. Again Max forgot to use his Jumal's luck ability, and the shot missed. Tim was there to rebound and scored to put points on the board. Dagger glared at Max. The adrenaline was pumping through the whole team throughout the game, and TJT did get lucky and scored threes from time to time. With the last few seconds, the game was tied: sixty-seven to sixty-seven. The buzzer went off, sending the game into overtime. As they started for the overtime, the teams knew that defense was going to play the winning factor. Dagger tried to dribble past the opposing teams defense, but it got stolen. Tim sprinted down the court and blocked their shot. TJT got the ball and passed it to Max, whom attempted to dribble the base line, but he got trapped, and had to throw it out of bounds. The buzzer went off, and the game was still tied. The next overtime was set for two minutes. Again, the defense cracked down hard on both sides, letting no one score. Bacpac Boy stole the ball, and passed it to Max. Max dribbled towards the basket and attempted to score a lay up. The opposing team tried to block the shot, but fouled. Max walked up to the free throw line, and the whole stadium went silent. Max looked up at the basket, and then suddenly it felt twenty miles away. Max got the ball, and shot. He air balled it. The crowd going for the Sunflowers went crazy making fun of Max. Max got the ball again, and took a deep breath. The stadium fell silent again. Max looks at the basket one more time, and shoots. This time it went in. The Sunflowers quickly took the ball out of bounds, and passed into the game. They threw a half court shot to try to win, but missed. The game ended with a sixty-eight to sixty-seven victory.

The school provided money for the team to eat in the town they were in. Max's team went onto the van, and headed home. The van was silent for the first hour and a half, and then Dagger broke the silence.

"Max, we could've stomped that team into the dirt." Dagger said.

"I know, I just forgot to use that ability." Max stated, looking down.

"The WHOLE game." Dagger retorted, putting a  lot of emphasis on whole. Max nods.

"Dagger, we won." Bacpac Boy said, trying to cool down Dagger's anger.

"I don't care if we won or not." Dagger hissed back.

"Calm down you three." TJT butted in, "It's over, and there is nothing we can do about it." Dagger sighed, and looked out the window. The sun was slowly setting, and the golden color on the snow was enough to cool Dagger's anger.

"Sorry Max." Dagger apologized.

"Apology accepted." Max replied. The two shook hands, and the ordeal was forgotten. The school came in sight after what felt like another hour of sitting. When the van stopped, Max and his friends brought their stuff into the school. After checking in their gear, they walked into the gym. Max found a basketball, and passed it at TJT.

"Let's play on more game." Max said. The whole team agreed. It was Max and TJT versus the rest. Dagger was able to dribble past Max's defense, and then Dagger would pass it to Bacpac Boy, who dunked it. Max took the ball out of bounds, and then passed it to TJT. Bacpac Boys eyes were shining, and he attempted to steal the ball from TJT. TJT picked up the ball, and then passed it to Max. Max dribbled the lane, and got double teamed by Dagger and Tim. Max turned, and passed the ball to TJT, who shot a three. It went in. Tim too the ball out of bounds, and passed it to Dagger. Dagger was dribbling the sideline, and Max tried to steal the ball. Dagger crossed over, causing Max to trip. Max put his hands down to brace the fall, and his head hit an "X" on the ground. A strange mechanism came out of the ground, and shot a laser under both baskets. two more mechanisms came out of the baskets, and shot lasers at a point exactly across the first mechanism. When that laser came up, all four of them shot a laser at the center circle. A sound was heard, and everyone could tell that something was moving up. Max walked over to his friends, and then an elevator came out of center circle.

"What...?" TJT murmured, eyes glinting in shock.

"Let's go." Max stated boldly.

"I smell trouble." Dagger said coldly.  They got in, and it took them into a small lab. They looked around, and saw tubes with ooze coming out of the top. Underneath the tubes were the names of previous teams the school had.

"Wait..." Max said.

"YES!" the principal yelled, "YES I DRAIN GOOD TEAMS ABILITY!" Max turned.

"RUN!" TJT cried. The principal scrambled to find something to rid the intruders. The principal picks up a sawed-off shotgun, along with a flashlight, and looks for Max and his friends.

"Come out little kitty." The principal taunted. He's not going to shoot the teams powers, it's to important to him. Max thought, and rolled away from a flashlight beam.

"Tim," Dagger whispered, "Go to the top and call the police." Tim nods, and crawls towards the elevator.

"AHA!" The principal shouted, and pivoted. He shot at Tim as the elevator closed. The principal ran towards the elevator, and attempted to break the metallic doors by shooting them at point blank. When the principal decided to stop, he shone his flashlight at Max. He quickly moved his shotgun towards Max, and shot. Max rolled away, and nearly dodged the ricocheting of bullets.  Once again in the shadows, Max moved slowly around the ooze. The errie green light was just enough to show where he was. The flashlight lite up under the tubes, and Max heard the trigger click. Max rolled away from the bullets, and was happy to have found a friend. Dagger pointed to a wall on the other side. This wall didn't have any ooze near it. Max slowly crept around the ooze, and saw the principal going towards the opposite wall. Max found TJT, and pointed at the vulnerable area, and she nodded. The two jump onto the principal and make him drop his shotgun. TJT restrained his hands as Max restrained his legs. The principal falls down, and Bacpac Boy quickly jumps on him, trying to keep him from standing up. The principal reached for the shotgun, but Dagger kicked the weapon away. The elevator opens up, and the police come in. They put the handcuffs onto the principal and start to leave the area. Max and his friends take the tubes and find the basketball teams, and made them drink the ooze to restore their powers. As they left the school, Max looked at his friends and smiled and laughed.

"That was the most excitement we've had for a while!" Max exclaimed as they went towards their homes.
Comments8
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versailles6's avatar
:star::star::star::star-empty: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Vision
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star-empty::star-empty::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star-empty::star-empty: Impact

This has a lot of potential to be a really interesting chapter. I like the idea of the villain principal and the whole ability draining bit. I do, however, feel like it is extremely rushed. You should slow it down, pace it out, and go into detail about them stumbling upon the room where the other teams are being held. Provide more sensory details, and then elaborate more on the rescuing portion to really emphasize the heroism of your characters.

I will say, though, that this is a vast improvement from your first two chapters. And I certainly get the irony now. Your chapter three did much what mine did: jumped to a completely different scene. Although I'm not sure if leaving off where you did and then waiting so long to get back to it without explanation as to why, really works.

Max agreed Dagger got hit in the face.
*agreed. OR Max agreed as Dagger

schools new team
*school’s

score to point points
*I don’t what this SHOULD say, but it looked weird so I wrote it down

Max finds TJT, and points at the vulnerable area, and she nods
*from this sentence to the end of the paragraph you switched to present tense. You need to change it back to past.

I think there should be more transition between the big game scene and them stumbling upon the elevator. It jumps right into it, and my suggestion would be to try to ease into the new scene.